


Whenever, Wherever (turn the pain into power)

by MiaBella



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Drabbles, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-10
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-04-25 17:11:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4969372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiaBella/pseuds/MiaBella
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a collection more of words than stories</p><p>#1: whatever comes after this is darker without you.<br/>#2: for now the memories will keep me.<br/>#3: i'll hurt for just one more look at you.<br/>#4: with a thump i fell.</p><p> <br/>when the nights are lonely and the words come like a dear companion<br/>i try to write them down, but i can never find a pen<br/>so i collect them in my heart instead<br/>and i sleep at last</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Selfishly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure why I'm torturing myself, but here it is.

          "Please don't go," he begs. The ends of his mouth barely pull up as his smile is tainted with sadness. He can hear the selfish pleading in his own voice but he can't bring himself to care. Instead, he just grips her cold hand tighter on the bed.

          Her glasses are folded on the small nightstand next to her bed and without them framing her face, she look so much more frail. She looks broken.

          "If you go, I won't ever see you again," he explains as a sobbing gasp escapes. "If there's anything more after this life, I won't be able to follow you there. Not with the things I've done. Not with the things I'm _going_ to do. So, please don't leave me Felicity."

          He brings their joined hands to his forehead and desperately prays for thing to be different. To be _anything_ but this.

          He prays for a miracle in a cold, gray hospital room that held the brightest light in his life even though he knows it's too late.


	2. For Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during season 3, after Felicity tells Oliver that she doesn't want to be a woman that he loves, when Sara is still dead.

The couch is lumpy.

Granted, comfort wasn't exactly what the owner had in mind when he bought it.

Knowing Oliver, he probably saw the couch as yet another twisted form of punishment to inflict upon himself. And judging by the spring digging into her backside, it was an effective one. Though, right now, she could care less about Oliver's comfort. Based on his decision to enter into this unholy alliance with Malcolm, she assumed he'd made it his mission in life to never find any.

Somehow, she's done it. She'd been his friend and his partner. She'd supported him. Cried for him. Loved him. And for all of the pain he'd brought into her life, he'd also brought love. So much love. But with a war waging around her, and within her, she couldn't do it anymore.

And then she felt her. Sara. Beautiful Sara, Strong Sara, Brave Sara. Dead Sara. Together, on that lumpy old couch, they sat and mourned. They mourned a life cut too short, one that would never be lived, and they mourned the man who was teetering on a dangerous edge.

Eventually she'd have to go back to loving a man she didn't want to even though she knew she could never stop. But, for now, sitting here with her is enough.


	3. Don't Blink

She was burning.

A light so strong that it hurt to look sometimes. But it hurt more to look away.

This dull ache that hit him in the chest every time he blinked as if though to remind him _don't turn away, don't miss a moment_

and he's falling into _(or is it rising),_ into that beautiful light, terrified. 

Because even the brightest lights fade.


	4. Heartbeats to the Measure of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holding her, for the first time, Felicity fell in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The English translation of a Korean poem by Kim In Yook titled "The Physics of Love." I think the poem fits well with what Felicity would feel as she held her baby girl for the first time ever.

Mass is not proportional to volume.

 

A girl as small as a violet,

A girl who moves like a flower petal,

Is pulling me towards her

With more force than her mass.

 

In that moment,

Like Newton's apple

I rolled towards her without stopping

Until I fell upon her

With a thump, with a thump thump.

 

My heart keeps bouncing

Between the sky and the ground

In a dizzying pendulum.

 

It was my first love.


End file.
